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I love that most of the users that leave ni.hil.ist also leave the internet

i feel like i have almost nothing in common with everyone i meet

pretty incredible how briefly memorizing some surface-level details of a concept in order to pass a test and then forgetting everything is the bulk of what "education" means in institutional practice. probably somebody would be just as "educated" if they never went to school. but they would not necessarily pick up social norms for obedience to an authority and patterns of "professional" (aka white) speech and behavior (depending on background), which is the main thing you are forced to learn in school.

i want to become less informed. i don't like knowing so much about people i will never meet and places i will never go, but i am constantly drawn into their world. it feels like my attention and sense of relevance is being manipulated and i don't like it. but at the same time, i don't want to be caught off-guard by changing circumstances which may have real effects on my life.

for all my criticisms of graeber, i really like one of his anecdotes about managing a car in a collective living situation. the "solution" for how to best manage the car and its associated problems of maintenance, use, and compulsory bureaucratic entanglement was to destroy the vehicle and throw a party. i think this story says much more than its humble presentation might make it seem.

i was just reminded of this story while reading about some plans to take a somewhat inaccessible and expensive service and make it more accessible through a collective project. but i think it's much more interesting to think about how to dissolve these issues, like the car, where you reject the framing of the whole situation and look instead for how to destroy it, to dissolve it, to flow around it. i feel this way about so many questions, many taking the basic form of "how would an anarchist society do X". and i just think these sorts of questions misunderstand the relationship of a state of anarchy to something called "society" and the expectation that there are singular recipes or formulas to follow (usually involving meetings) where the forces of conformity and control start to melt away. i'm always disappointed thinking about the poverty of imagination i encounter on these topics but i feel like the realm of possibility is vast and surprising and very interesting.

diy trans laser hair removal 

ok i got a different kind of cheap electric razor (the sort with 3 circular heads) and it works much better than the piece of shit i was using before. hairs continue to fall out at a good rate, scabs fell off from shitty shaving, and the shadow is really starting to clear out. i think maybe an upside of my facial hair growing really fucking fast and being annoying as shit is that so many of the follicles are active and killable in their growth stage.

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it sucks when civilization is collapsing, but only for you personally and not for anyone else

should have done this before painting my nails, not after

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so nice to have a full size midi keyboard to play something whenever i feel like it

sewing magnetic buttons to my detachable mesh sleeves before biking to town to pick up mail

diy trans laser hair removal 

i read somewhere recently (no idea how accurate this is / the ways in which this varies) that the density of follicles is ~120 / square inch so that's about 20 per square cm so that is pretty encouraging if it holds for facial hair. i've been pretty on top of lasering routinely and i'm consistently noticing low dozens of hairs fall out every day and probably more than that fall out when i'm not looking. but one thing that is shit is how tiny cuts from shaving scab over and cover much larger areas than the initial small cut and then i can't do anything in that area until it fully heals. that's mostly an issue on my upper lip right now but i can concentrate on other areas until then. really impatient to blast off all this hair: it makes me feel like shit, it grows incredibly fast, i hate shaving and cut myself all the time, and my new electric razor is falling apart already.

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if i'm feeling good, it feels wasteful to ruin that by working. it also feels wasteful to work when i'm feeling bad because i won't get anything done.

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feeling too good to work lately. like the opposite of a sick day, but i also won't work when i feel bad either.

money, self-sabotage 

i've never made very much money but i haven't been broke in a long time because i'm good at being poor and save everything. i get paranoid about being broke again, but i also have this impulse of self-sabotage when it comes to money, where i won't fill out the simplest form to actually get paid or collect some claim. part of this is my severe bureaucracy aversion, part is that i hate money in principle, part is that it feels demeaning to jump through any hoop for somebody else, and part is this exhilarating appeal of refusal, of being unreasonable, of not being able to be bought and not doing what is expected or required. it just feels way too good to be offered something and then walk away, even if i "need" it.

social media is shit and makes you feel like garbage but it also hinders workplace productivity so it's not all terrible

synthetic hormones are 1940s tech and can be synthesized from yams via marker degredation. probably not too complicated to diy (but certainly a big project), just not presently worth it considering how cheap they are in bulk powdered form direct from china and tricky to verify the quality of the diy product.

anyways, there are actual answers to these sorts of dismissive questions about how to do X even when those questions are rhetorical devices to prop up whatever "justified hierarchy" somebody is trying to defend. but it's complicated and technical and you won't really know until you do it yourself, often because of a lack of suitable options.

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happy for everyone who goes no contact with their shitty family. i hate how toxic family members are often held to such a lower standard than everyone else.

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ni.hil.ist

ni.hil.ist is a server run by individuals who are friendly to a nihilistic worldview.